


Unspoken

by WordsAblaze



Series: Witcher Fics [10]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt No Comfort, Immortal Jaskier | Dandelion, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, Jaskier-Centric, Lowercase, Nilfgaard, Sad Jaskier | Dandelion, although i do really hurt him, everyone else is barely mentioned - Freeform, no beta we die like jaskier doesn't, no dying bards under my roof, obviously, seriously, so yaknow, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25310887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze
Summary: If there's one thing Jaskier truly has in life, it's his ability to use words. And although he knows there are a lot of things that can comfortably go unspoken, he himself is not one of them; without his words, Jaskier would be all but unborn.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Witcher Fics [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726360
Comments: 10
Kudos: 101





	Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> this is my 100th posted fanfic, which is quite literally insane to me. i think jaskier has the right to be the focus of this milestone since he's inspired so much of my writing lately so here's a whole lotta introspective angst <3

jaskier is unborn 

and he is unspoken

because his parents had never considered having a child, never considered even being capable of having a child

but none of them have a choice in the matter because he is destined to be brought into the world and it is finally his time.

jaskier is born

and he is quiet murmurs

because that’s all his mother and father can afford in fear of being discovered or captured or imprisoned

and because they know that they will never be able to give their child a life worthy of how precious he is to them. 

jaskier is one

and he is intermittent wails

because babies need endless love but his parents are far too busy trying not to be caught to give enough of it to him,

because all he wants is to be heard and held and helped but more often than not, he is simply hushed in fear of being hunted.

jaskier is two

and he is monosyllabic mumbles

because he knows that the women around him aren’t his parents but he doesn’t know who exactly they are

and he wants to ask them but they don’t understand and they keep distracting him with food and music and he so easily forgets his questions.

jaskier is three

and he is hushed mutterings

because he is trying so hard to talk just like everyone around him 

but all they do is tell him to be quiet, to make sure nobody is disturbed by him, to act as if he is a grown up and not an annoying child.

jaskier is four

and he is excited shouts

because he is young and wild and he is learning so much about the world and its beauty 

even if people are constantly telling him not to make a mess or cause a fuss or generally remind anyone of the wilderness steadily growing inside him.

jaskier is five

and he is bold questions

because he runs off and finds a man who holds wood but makes sound and he is so, so excited to learn how to do the same

but then someone else finds him and all he is left asking is why his mother and father won’t let him go outside.

jaskier is six

and he is hidden cries

because no, he can’t have an extra bread roll for after dinner and no, he can’t take another slice of cake for the new friend he’s not supposed to have,

and he is so sad about it but he knows that being heard is only going to make things worse.

jaskier is seven

and he is confused moans

because his head aches and his stomach burns and his eyes hurt and he doesn’t know what’s happening

but nobody tells him that he was ill until after he’s recovered because they’d all thought he was dying and hadn’t seen the point in wasting their time on him.

jaskier is eight

and he is angry yells

because he wants to go and see the girl with the instruments but his teachers keep telling him he needs to learn about his history instead

and he really doesn’t see the point in learning about dead people when the ones he can see from the window make him feel so alive.

jaskier is nine

and he is wistful demands

because he really does want to play with his siblings like everyone keeps telling him to

but none of them want to play with him in return and he doesn’t know what he’s meant to do about that.

jaskier is ten

and he is unapologetic arguments 

because all he wants to do is play his lute but his mother keeps telling him he shouldn’t

and his father looks at him as if he’s become a monster when he says he doesn’t want to be like everyone else in their boring house.

jaskier is eleven

and he is desperate pleas

because he has heard about the harsh ways of temple schools and he doesn’t want to go

even though a small part of him thinks it might be better than being forced to act like some kind of decoration in order to always please their guests.

jaskier is twelve

and he is hesitant singing

because he loves figuring out how to match his music to the words in his head that beg to be written out on paper

but it seems that other boys just want to learn about the deadliest weapons and he’s not very good at those if his numerous trips to healers have anything to say about it.

jaskier is thirteen

and he is stifled sobs

because sometimes learning is painful and not learning fast enough is even more painful

and being quiet when getting punished is apparently just another thing that he has to learn if he wants to do well in life.

jaskier is fourteen

and he is snide remarks

because his words are the only defence he has and he’s not about to back down from any kind of fight

even if that means the tears his opponents may shed are met with blood on his end, even if that means he also has to get used to running and hiding.

jaskier is fifteen

and he is careless laughter

because his musical skills give him freedom, the only kind of freedom he truly has and can ever have,

and he no longer wants to waste his time competing with his classmates when there’s a world of adventure out there, waiting to be claimed.

jaskier is sixteen

and he is anguished sighs

because the boy he so foolishly gave his heart to has left him behind for someone who was less of a nuisance

but he doesn’t understand what he’d done wrong and he can’t share his sadness with anyone lest they make fun of him.

jaskier is seventeen 

and he is poetic lies

because he needs to leave and he needs to leave as soon as possible and he has learned the hard way that truth gets him nowhere

so he builds himself a falsehood and he abandons nobility without a second thought, without even once looking back.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is optimistic narrations

because the world can be rather plain and it takes time to convince people that there’s more to life than simply getting by

but it’s not an easy task and being pessimistic would essentially be the equivalent of giving up before truly beginning.

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is flirtatious compliments

because more often than not, his audiences find his performance appealing for more than one reason

and if it puts a roof over his head or gives him ideas for new ballads, then he really doesn’t mind the different kinds of attention he receives.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is awkward observations

because there is a beautiful witcher in his tavern and he wants nothing more than to get to know him

even if that means embarrassing himself in the process of gaining both bruises and a consistent friend.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is ambitious vows

because he has learnt that the tales of witchers from his teachers were all wrong and he can’t stop himself from needing to fix that,

no matter how many times they have to be thrown out of taverns and towns in the process.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is relentless ramblings

because geralt has something of an allergy to words and rarely replies with more than half a sentence

but he doesn’t mind because he finally has the chance to talk and talk and talk without being locked away inside a room too small to contain all of his thoughts.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is muffled screams

because gods does it hurt to be hit or stung or bitten or scratched by their latest contracts, but he doesn’t want to alarm geralt or slow him down

and he’s well-versed in how to treat his own wounds thanks to everyone who tried to stop him from being himself in the past.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is midnight whispers

because witchers don’t think they’re lovable and he so dearly wants to change that

even if it means repeating himself over and over under the moonlight until he’s met with a small smile and given something like trust.

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is isolated comments

because he knows he should no longer still be eighteen 

but he is afraid that saying so to anyone else will result in him being at the wrong end of a witcher’s silver sword. 

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is exasperated groans

because yennefer might be beautiful but she is a beautiful sort of poison and he really wants nothing to do with her

but it’s just his luck that the man he loves wants everything to do with her, so much so that he all but ruins their lives because of it.

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is mirthful jokes

because there is a powerful young princess who needs to be entertained and he is good at making bargains with even the sharpest of rulers

but even he is not brave enough to tell her what her grandmother wishes never to speak of so he sticks to just making sure she’s okay. 

jaskier is eighteen

and he is pained curses

because it turns out dragons are so much more of a mess than he’d signed up for

and actually, he’d never signed up for them in the first place so losing his muse is one thing he shouldn’t actually blame on himself. 

jaskier is eighteen

and he is hollow bargains 

because he truly no longer cares what he has to trade in order to ensure he survives to see another day

and it really doesn’t matter to him what happens as long as he can carry on performing.

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is unstoppable shrieks

because there is a merciless army out hunting for the people he spent so long loving

but they have little patience for his honesty and they have even less patience for the fabricated nonsense that spills from him when the agony becomes too loud.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is broken howls

because it hurts to inhale and it hurts to exhale and it hurts to even exist at all

and the worst part is that he knows he will be forgotten and he will never have been important and he will have failed.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is desperate babbling

because mages are far worse than he’d ever thought they could be and they have so many different ways to break people

and in the end, the easiest way to break him is to take away the one thing he has left to lose, the one thing that makes him who he is.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is soft whimpers

because the information he would never reveal truly has no way of being made available anymore

and there is nothing left for him to do but wait for everyone to get bored of how useless he is to them.

jaskier is eighteen 

and he is surprised breaths

because he had assumed he would die before seeing daylight again but he wakes up to three sets of very concerned eyes,

all of which never stop staring at him as if he is weak and fragile and nothing like the versions of him they didn’t want to keep.

jaskier is eighteen

and he is internal confessions

because he’s more than glad to know that the people he cares for are still alive

but his language of love has always been verbal and it turns out he can no longer speak it, or anything else for that matter.

jaskier is 

and jaskier is not

for jaskier lost himself somewhere amidst being eighteen,

and jaskier has no words

so he has circled all the way back to being unborn

and he is forever

unspoken.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, this more or less just happened - i like the freedom of this writing style and although it may not appeal to everyone, i'm learning how to be self-indulgent so *shrugs*  
> i hope someone else may have found some enjoyment in this anyway x
> 
> thanks for reading! toss a kudos/comment? x


End file.
